The Never-Ending Rut: August 2005

Monday, August 29, 2005

I gotta get outta here

I like this one... their lyrics are nice. I can related with it.

RELIENT K LYRICS


"Be My Escape"

I’ve given up on giving up slowly, I’m blending in so
You won’t even know me apart from this whole world that shares my fate
This one last bullet you mention is my one last shot at redemption
because I know to live you must give your life away
And I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and
I’ve been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because
I gotta get outta here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging You to be my escape.

I’m giving up on doing this alone now
Cause I’ve failed and I’m ready to be shown how
He’s told me the way and I’m trying to get there
And this life sentence that I’m serving
I admit that I’m every bit deserving
But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair

Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and
I’ve been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because
I gotta get outta here
Cause I’m afraid that this complacency is something I can’t shake
I gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging You to be my escape.

I am a hostage to my own humanity
Self detained and forced to live in this mess I’ve made
And all I’m asking is for You to do what You can with me
But I can’t ask You to give what You already gave

Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and
I’ve been locked inside that house all the while you hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because
I’ve gotta get outta here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I’ve gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging
You to be my escape.

I fought You for so long
I should have let You in
Oh how we regret those things we do
And all I was trying to do was save my own skin
But so were You

So were You

Saturday, August 27, 2005

180*

shit is where it takes a runt

Friday, August 26, 2005

p0pe3y3

week one; (do you want a plaster?)



Day one(Monday)

Woke up, with a headache as if someone had whacked me with a spade on my head...

First thing i got in the morning was my mum screaming Vicky get out faster you are gonna be late(thats the refined dialogue) - my mum has this skill; the exquisite art to make things that seem "ordinary" particularly cleanliness become almost uncomfortable and unacceptable like dirt itself. So i continued singing a few more songs till she said its was late. I ran out with the towel almost falling down and got dressed... i think this is enough for the introduction. Since the other mornings were similarly sequenced. Accept i took the ktm

The orientation was ok, the director was a dutch man with a premature american accent. The lectures at their best , or at least it looked that way... ( the director makes a joke and the whole staff laughs) Pala and I; Our reactions, was that a joke? Clearly a staff body that "looks high of" the director. So the boring speech almost distorted by the accent, not really. The real reason would most likely be that we werent paying any attention.

Got to know some people, the student body was a diverse one, malaysians were like the minority for some reason indonesians and koreans flood the program. They were ok. First- day- of -school feeling only the eyes that i was looking through was a bit more elevated from the ground.

Interesting but not a shocking fact: Pala gets into a get-to-know-that-girl frenzy every five or ten minutes and "drags" me into it.

Paid everything then left for home. Skipped the games the had organised for us,ice breakers and the photo taking session.

Day two(which is almost obviously Tuesday)

I had only one class on that day... MATHS 171, which i only found out in the train after taking a closer look at my timetable,

Maths lecturer, Mr. Daniel Chua( Grandfather adee!!!) he drags his words...every now and then but really a nice fellow. Finished in a short period of time. Classes was the in the introductory stage, only then i noticed.

Went back home then.

Food for thought: Dressing in read long sleeves(or was it maroon) with flushed black jeans and sandals might not be a really good choice of attire.

Day Three( If you think its friday then you are right)

The toll travelling was putting on me was getting lesser. Got used to sleeping in the train in awkward baby positions and the occasional waking up to check what station that the train has passed and to check my phone.

Dr. Margaret my chemistry(105) teacher/lecturer finished class in ten minutes. Had engineering 196; Mr. Gowda. born and bred in india i almost couldnt make out the simplest words that he was saying... i would look right where pala was sitting and ask,"what did he just say?!?!?" but he's got a sense of humour and a logic lover.

Then, i hanged out with pala and his friends, a gal and a guy. This gal, jasprit or prounced that way reminded me of Shareen and Karthini, a mix of nonsense and sense not too mention a pinch of spurious air in whatever she said.

P.S- The UV rays in Subang are almost unfiltered... it really burnt

Thursday

Class finishes awfully early today as well at 10.10.


Chatted with the same gal till pala came. The conversation was just pure silly!!! nonsense!!!
Met up with my old best buddy in standard one, Milaksh and a friend of his.

Then walk back to the ktm station accompanied by the scorching sun rays. Parched into a shade red by the time i got to the station.

As soon as i came back home, i had to met thavin and manmohan. Nice seeing them. Reminds me of the years we had together in school and also very awkward because they couldnt keep their hands to theirselves. Joined later by Shalini, Joanne and Karthini after manmohan retired from the excursion. "Played" "Football" afterward. (i know why? wouldnt it be exhausting?) - i FELT like it. Watched people practising taichi or however they call doing it, while cooling my systems down.

Note: If you tell your parents that you are tired of travelling i suggest you do not want do what i did.

Friday

Three classes today... feeling a bit more relieved.

Maths, Chem...

English 101. (Mrs. Mary Varnese)

Histerical about hearing how notorious she was;
Heard loads about her and how she torments her students. I think she does that by giving loads of work... comments are left vague at this point although she did give a few assignments on the first day of class.

Played football today... during the game, and ant attacked me out of nowhere( otherwise translated as i ran into the ant). Airborne! it did a run- into my eye. It was really scary at first... but malvinder, jasbinder's brother poured some water and the ant was washed a way. Poor ant!? never a happy ending for bugs when water comes in the picture (spirakels get flooded) R-I-P ... even the itsy bitsy spider wasnt in good terms with water. What gives life can take it way? then, an uncommonly dumb suggestion when i heard it at first,"do you want a plaster?" by a guy name patrick.
i don't blame him, he didnt know what was going on. I do that with awareness of what is actually going on.

Friday was breaking nail day.

A week, almost seemed forever.

* words in text may not be clear in meaning so use your common sense! I m sleepy adee got to go...





Monday, August 15, 2005

Laugh Out Loud?


The problem kids like us are bound to face...

Sunday, August 14, 2005


see, i think we are all fools we were meant to be forever i m a fool you are a fool we are fools if destruction was a tool we had it all along =)

I...

I m prone to goofing around Like a loose goose in pond but you know what i m doing but you think you dont (i dont know) maybe you are scared i know i am, fooling around

i like the pretty little masks and i know you do too the dire dos and donts but i think we all hate this game the masquerade of love amusing, thrilling yet boring by the time the light hits green =|
You,

Seemingly cool with everything but burning with rage On an insatiable page... my fooling around A lofty toll indeed, Mystery becomes your ally Your blow silenced by the amusing fixture we are putting on, smack...!!! ablazed i m with no recollection stinging... without a trace You're gone... =( A bliss almost definitely,this is not

We,

i don't really know what we could be another sorry flotsam and jetsam put my mouth into saying your name, never making any sense... poems, songs, everything remains a trickery to you we are a mystery

please let me burn, what i deserve
=)

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

you're special